(Dropping into the story in media res, because you'd be bored by all the exposition before hand. Unfortunately, Piper doesn't get this luxury since she's inside the Fourth Wall, and was subjected to the Story of the Authoress' Life, complete with Not-So-Lurid Details.)
Piper (extremely bored): Cry me a river. Do you expect me to care for your lame yuppie existential angst?
(The "you" in question is the Authoress, otherwise known as Dot Warner. Unlike before, she appears exactly how she looks in real life: a mostly plain Asian girl with short, frizzy hair and glasses that keep slipping down the bridge of her nose.)
No, it just helps me to talk about it every once in a while, to get the proper perspective.
Piper (getting annoyed by now): What, that you're absolutely pathetic for waxing depressive over a whole lot of nothing?
*shrugs* Something like that.
(At first, the Piper doesn't reply. Then she whips out a curved dagger from...um...somewhere within the folds of her kimono, and holds it at Dot's neck.)
Piper (coldly): So what was the point of such a massive waste of my time, exactly?
*calmly* I was going to ask if you'd forgive me, but...*pauses deliberatly, then smiles* I'm pretty sure that at this point the answer would be "[leep] no, you [bleepety bleep]".
(Piper presses the knife closer for a moment, then pulls it back without leaving a mark.)
Piper: Of course I'd forgive you. Why would I ruin my life obsessing about some stupid fangirl who spends her free time abusing her non-existant powers?
(Dot looks slightly miffed at this remark, and is about to make a snappy comeback, when she reconsiders and settles with giving Piper an exaggerated pout. Then she smiles again.)
I suppose I deserved that.
(Dot bounces on her feet a bit, stretching, then reaches out as if turning an invisible knob. At this, a door does indeed open, flooding the room with light.)
Well, I'm off to make amends to everyone else. Wish me luck.
(Without waiting for Piper's reply, she steps through the door, which closes behind her silently. It is a long time before Piper finally says something.)
Piper: About time, you idiot.